I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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