She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
