My cat gives me a boner
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
