Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
