i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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