PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
