After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
