i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
