i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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