New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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