She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
