it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
