everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
