had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
