my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
