im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
We need to rekindle our bromance
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
