If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
