That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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