Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
