It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
