What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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