I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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