Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Randomize
