I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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