Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
