Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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