Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
