a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
