Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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