I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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