I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
