My sheets look like a crime scene.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
