so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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