he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
