I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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