This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
