I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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