Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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