how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
