i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize