I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
