it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
