I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
