one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
