i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
