I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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