Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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