My room smells like vodka and shame
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
