i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
