whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
