We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
