Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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