And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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