He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
