I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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