His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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