I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
